Having my daughter was the biggest life change I have ever experienced. 

I am still adjusting and learning to navigate through this new journey that is call "Parenthood". 

Parenthood is a very undefined word. It is a self-taught journey. Even with all the advices, recommendations and books I have read prior to having my daughter, I was not really prepared for being a parent. 

What defines good or bad parenting? How do we discipline? How do we raise our children so they don't repeat our mistakes? How do we raise children so they become happy, independent and successful? 

Since having my daughter, I have learned so much about myself and about the new "mother" in me. I can't say that it has been easy or always joyful. I have shed lots of tears and wished to have had more guidance sometimes. 

I am certainly not perfect but I am learning, with my daughter's help, to become a better parent everyday. I am forgiving myself a lot more these days for not always be the perfect mom and I try to be mindful in my actions and in my words towards my daughter. 

That been said, now that I am really close to giving birth for a second time, I feel as if I am loosing control little by little of my state of mindfulness and, instead, I am starting to feel myself a little more nervous and unprepared mentally for the upcoming postpartum saga. 

The idea of doing it all over again is starting to weight on me. 

As much as I am so happy for my little baby boy to make his entrance into the world, I am also anxious about the impending changes that my family is about to experience.

How am I going to transition from a mother of one to soon-to-be two?

How can I possibly love another baby as much as my first? What if I can't balance life with a toddler and a newborn? What if my daughter feels left out or less important?  What if my husband feels left out too? 

To tell you the truth, life right now is pretty amazing.

My daughter is almost 30 months old  and she is really awesome, I have to say. She has a very interesting personality. Independent, strong-minded, creative, curious, affectionate, loving, caring...

We get to spend a lot of quality time as a family and life is easier in general with my daughter. 

I know that I have to keep on moving forward and accept this new upcoming chapter in our lives but I also know that I will have to grieve the loss of what once was. What is now. 

I also have to trust on my abilities to adapt and adjust just like I have been doing with my 
daughter since she was born. 

With all honesty, I guess I am just scared of failing as the "Mother" of my family... As the roots of our family tree. I want to be strong and fearless. I want to be peaceful, calm and serene as we transition into this new chapter. I simply want to be the best I can be.

Perhaps, I should remind myself to accept that life is unpredictable, that nothing is permanent and that everything changes all the time. 

Evidently, the arrival of this new baby will transform who we are and will have an impact on our lives. We need to accept that changes will come and to embrace them when they come. 

We will cross that bridge when we come to it.

No matter what, at the end, I know deep in my heart that "every little thing gonna be all right"! 


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